I just watched Once Upon a Time, a tv show about fairy tales that is intertwine with modern day. I love that show. Anyways, I just watch the 7:15 episode (yes I know I am an episode behind) and it got me thinking about my own love life.
Not a fun topic but I am willing to talk about it or at least type about it. Basically, my love life is non existent; I had one boyfriend in my twenty-some odds years of living and a few flings here and there, most in the summer time (cause I usually travel to here or there). I really don't have one and yet, I am guarded and I get emotional when I see something like a love that is going to be lost or a love that cannot be or a love that we all know should happen and yet it doesn't. I really don't know why I am hesitant to let anyone in, I feel like this towards my friends as well, not only potential loves.
So I started to think, who or what has made me cautious. Yes, I had my heart broken before but that was because a cousin of mine past, she was pretty much my older sister and someone I can talk to about ANYTHING. It still hurts to think about her gone but that doesn't break my heart anymore because I have moved on. Which brings me to a point that I have no one that had truly broken my heart so why is my heart made out of stone? Another theory I have is that my past life, I have met my one true soul mate but something prevented us to be together so that pain transcend from that life to this life. Kind of a far fetched one but at least that's something.
My next theory is that I have observed and learned and felt all of my family and friends past loves and mainly I feel their pain and heart break but this theory is even more far fetched then the one above. I know my heart is made out of stone and inside is a warm, gushy, soft, delicate thing and I know that I probably will not find that super awesome special guy for me but that is ok. I know I can be happy living my life as a monk. But I know that many people out there, cannot so one of my wishes I have is that everyone in the world can find their special someone, their other part of their soul and be happily ever after.
If I say a wish out loud, can the wish still be transpire? Please say yes.
Another note: There has been this guy I have known for a very long time, since my childhood years and mainly there's something between us, something strange, I can't put my finger on it but that's a post for another day and time.
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