Quit Being a --------!!

To myself,

Why are you such a nuisance?

From myself.

Alright, I recently became unemployed because the holiday season is over. Now I have no source of income and I really should be looking for a job but I'm not. Instead I just sit here at home wanting to clean it up, get my brothers room more organize because right now, I'm calling it the junk room. Sorry dude. And honestly, if I am not going to be looking for work then at least I can make myself useful and help around the house. And again, I'm not because I guess I'm just being lazy. A terrible feature to have.

Or I can start drawing or making something. I want to be a designer and yet, I'm here on the couch being a who-knows-what. If I really want to become something (and this goes to anyone who's reading this) START WORKING ON IT! Really how hard is it? I am an artist, I know I'm good a making things come to life. I know I can draw and create something from my imagination. I know I can imagine anything in the world (this is sometimes an issue with myself). More than anything is that I am kind of mad at myself for being mainly a coward.


I have this thing where if my family/friends start to look at what I'm doing, I stop doing it. I don't know why it's just that I don't want them to see what I am creating or making. I know what looks good and what looks bad but I think I am afraid to hear any kind of criticism from them or even worst any lies they would say to me (especially from friends because I know my family would tell me the bloody truth even I hate hearing it).

Honestly, I don't even know what to do with myself. I am so disappointed in myself. I keep on saying I but it means nothing to me. Then again, I just wish this place have more opportunities or competitions. I want to become a designer mainly in the fashion kind and costuming but in the place I live. It's like a water droplet compare to the ocean (like Milan, New York, Paris).

I need to start doing, less thinking. Explore more, go into the depths of whatever and dive deeper. I should stop being so afraid, ignore the people around me and start on working on my craft. I'm not getting any younger, opportunities will present itself when the time is right. I should start living.

This is a post to myself, to wake myself up. To quit being so afraid of the unknown. To jump. To dive. To soar. To breathe.